“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” – Mother Teresa

Did you know that 46% of the population in the United States report feeling lonely? This shocking information was released by the Health Insurance Company Cigna in 2018. In the same survey, it also found that the younger generation was lonelier than the older generation. There is also growing evidence that loneliness is a predictor of premature death. No wonder suicide is the second leading cause of death among ages 10-24 in the United States.

Loneliness and depression go hand in hand. According to a cover story by TIME magazine, currently in America, there are about 16 million people affected by depression. The cost of health care and loss of productivity is estimated to be about 210 billion each year.

If you are dealing with addiction, you may have heard “HALT” as four major triggers for relapse. It stands for Hungry, Angry, LONELY, and Tired. Loneliness may lead to substance abuse and all kinds of addictive behavior. The more addictive behaviors you do, the lonelier you may get. It’s like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle, and you just can’t get out of it!

So, what is the REAL cure for loneliness? Reaching out to family and friends? Participating in activities and keeping yourself busy? All of these are just a temporary fix.

Building a life that is full of love, peace, and joy is like building your dream house. You need to start with a solid foundation, which is your relationship with yourself! Your relationships with your family and friends are like the back porch. If a storm came, and your back porch got ripped off, you would be safe and secure because your foundation is solid!

If you have loving family and friends, wonderful! Count your blessings! However, you can’t build your life based on the love and support from your loved ones. The reality is that no matter how much your loved ones care about you, they won’t be able to be with you 24/7. You will eventually feel lonely and disappointed.

Number one: it’s not under your control whether your family and friends care about you or not;

Number two: you will never get enough of what you want from them. You might ask: what about participating in group activities? It all sounds great, but at the end of the day, you still have to go home and be alone...what do you do then?

The REAL cure for loneliness is to be connected to your Authentic Self. In Part 1 of this series, I mentioned your Inner Twin. Here is the recap: Your Inner Twin is your conscience/inner voice, your higher self, your authentic self… that part of you that tells you the truth whether you’d like to hear it or not. Your Inner Twin has your best interests in mind, and will always love you unconditionally.  For a more in-depth look, read Part 1:  Learn to live FEARLESSLY! Part 1: Who are you?

LOVE is the answer. It is hard to survive in this cold chaotic world. We desperately want to feel loved, but we are looking for love in all the wrong places. True love comes from within. 

The unconditional love from your Inner Twin is like this: the taste of the first drop of water in your mouth when you are dying in the desert; someone forgiving all of the debts you owe; a loving friend who cares about you for who you are without any agenda. Who can fulfill these roles 24/7 just for you? That’s right, the answer is YOU! Your Inner Twin.

After being abandoned by everyone, I threw away my religion, I lost faith in God, and I didn’t believe in love anymore. I questioned everything in life and I trusted no one. I engaged in all kinds of self-destructive behavior. I abandoned myself just like everyone abandoned me.

My drug of choice was relationship addiction. I remember this experience vividly: I was on my way to meet this new guy, whom I knew I had no business being involved with. I heard my Inner Twin telling me, “Hey, you can still turn your car around right now, otherwise, you are going to act out and come home feeling like a piece of shit…” I immediately discounted her. My excuse was, “You don’t know about this one!” “Shut shuuu…” Sure enough, I sexually acted out again. I came home feeling dirty and ashamed of myself. This was the first time, I realized my Inner Twin had my back.  I set out from there on to pay attention to my Inner Twin.

 If you are dealing with alcohol, drugs, gambling, self-harm, or any kind of addiction, you might have had similar experiences to mine.

We all have done things we are not proud of. In the moment or after doing it, your Inner Twin/inner voice will often give you a warning, it could be a gut feeling or intuition, or even something more direct like, “No! Don’t do it!” If you listened to it, you would have a sense of peace. If you didn’t, you would often end up feeling shameful and lonely. If you continued on the negative path, you likely experienced high anxiety and more loneliness, simply because you disconnected from your power source – your Inner Twin! 

 If you have treated your Inner twin as your worst enemy, today is your opportunity to turn your worst enemy into your best friend! 

 Step 1: Get a journal.

 Step 2: Start a dialogue with yourself.

 Step 3: Have a conversation with yourself as a good friend to yourself.

 Like a powerful bald eagle, you are meant to spread your wings and FLY! You won’t be able to FLY without “First Loving Yourself”!

 “Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes, I need expert advice!”
~Edward Henheffer

Read Part 3 Now:
Learn to live FEARLESSLY! Part 3:
Be one with your Inner Twin = Amazing Life!